looking at my past, i wonder how i've gotten here. it seems that i have fell badly from where i was. and it's hard to go back. i do miss that feeling of not having to worry about my studies now that i'm a retainee and life as a retainee is really quite crap. everyday i live in the fear of failure. huihui ever once mentioned about being high up there and then falling. i can truly understand that because my fall was even greater. now and then i ask myself if there is anything wrong with my brain. whether it had deteriorated over the years. but i know my brain is really rusty.

anyway, i wish there were more than 24 hours a day. the day often seem too short.

comparing who i was in the past and who i am now, i think i have changed quite a bit. i realised i don't like to talk as much be it face-to-face, on the phone etc. i remember i could talk on the phone for hours sometime ago. i've grown to comment less and observe more. observing does serve to give some pretty good insight though. and things really do get more complicated as we grow older. people can be scary. i've also learnt to like being by myself rather than how i always loved to have people around me. i've learnt to keep opinions to myself. haha i think this would be what melly always calls zen.

okay i'm lazy to type already.

i can't wait for wq and huihui to be back. i haven't seen wq in like 10000 years. i do hope you guys are looking after yourselves well and having fun :)

love you like a sister;
1:32 pm